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How You Can Help the Survivor Believe your friend. The greatest fear of a sexual assault survivor is that she/he will not be believed; accept what you are hearing. Validate the significance of the event. Do not minimize the trauma your friend experienced. Recognizing the impact of the assault on her/his life may be helpful in their healing process. Listen and be patient. Let your friend tell their story at their own pace. Reinforce that the rape was not their fault. Remind them that the rapist caused the attack, not the victim. Allow them to share their feelings, especially those of anger, self-blame, or grief. Ask how you can help. Offer to accompany your friend in seeking medical attention, counseling or contacting the police. Suggest they call a professionally trained sexual assault advocate who can help them in all aspects of their crisis. Help them organize their thoughts on how to proceed, but let them make their own decisions in order to regain the feeling of being in control. Touch or hug your friend only if you're sure they are comfortable with physical contact. Do not tell anyone else about the assault without your friend's permission. Take care of yourself. Know your limits. Project Horizon can also provide support for family and friends of survivors. Back to Top
After an acquaintance sexual assault, the victim may feel: Stupid for not realizing that the assailant was dangerous. Ashamed and guilty, especially if the victim agreed to be with the assailant in some way, such as on a date, or accepting a ride. When victims know their attacker, they may assume more responsibility for the assault than if she/he were attacked by a stranger. That her/his own behavior led the rapist on or caused the assault. The victim may internalize social stereotypes and myths about women's dress and men's inability to control their sexual urges once aroused. The assailant may have told the victim she/he was responsible for the assault and deserved it. Betrayed and doubtful of the trustworthiness of her/himself to judge who is safe. That others won't believe or support her/him, especially family and friends. Prosecution is often declined for lack of evidence, others define what happened as "sex" and not assault or minimize the seriousness of the incident, and others may say the victim "should have known better." Isolated. Confused, especially because they knew their assailant and emotional and verbal force may have been used instead of physical. Many people do not define a situation as rape unless weapons were used, the victim's life is threatened, or a physical struggle occurs, resulting in obvious injury. Torn between wanting to warn others about the assailant, and wanting to hide what happened to protect her/himself from others' judgments. Fear of facing the assailant in everyday life, especially if the assailant is someone the victim works with, goes to school with, or lives near. Vulnerable, worried about further attacks, or that the assailant will tell mutual acquaintances. Back to Top
Common Reactions to Sexual Assault
Feelings |
Behaviors |
Emotional shock: I feel so numb. Why am I so calm? Why can't I cry? Why don't I feel anything? Disbelief: I can't believe this happened to me. Shame: I feel so dirty. Guilt: Did I do something to make this happen? Could I have done something to stop it? If only I had . . . Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again? Denial: It wasn't really rape. Nothing happened. Anger: I want to kill that person! Fear: What if I am pregnant or have a STD? These thoughts keep going through my head. I'm afraid to close my eyes. Depression: I'm so tired. I feel so hopeless. Maybe I'd be better off dead. Triggers: I keep having flashbacks. Anxiety: I feel so confused. Am I going crazy? Helplessness: Loss of self-reliance. Will I ever be able to function on my own? |
Expressive: Crying, yelling, shaking, being angry, swearing, etc. Anger may be directed at friends, family. Calm: May behave extremely composed, controlled or unaffected. Withdrawn: May shrink inside herself; provide one word answers or none at all; offering no information without being prodded. Nightmares: Survivor may have difficulty sleeping or have nightmares of being chased or attacked. Flashbacks: These may occur while the survivor is fully awake. The memories will seem intensely real to survivor because the assault seems to be happening all over again. Changing eating habits. Lack of concentration or energy. Rape Trauma Syndrome or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. |
Choose one of the subjects below in order to learn more about sexual assault victims. Helpful Guidelines for Assisting a Sexual Assault Survivor Common Reactions to Sexual Assault Acquaintance Sexual Assault Victims
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